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Posted By: gnollslayer Mar 24, 2005 - 12:04 am

Which of the following sounds/looks better:


One paragraph:

He sighed and set his pen down. It was no use trying to recall what he'd learned in the Academy. Thoughts of Gershom's Revolution swam in his mind; war stories that had grown over seven centuries loomed in their wake. But those were other people's adventures, not his. He hoped someday to record such world-shaping events with his own pen, as men and women had in the early twenty-second century when the war broke out. It was a foolish hope. Humanity had learned its lesson in the chaotic years after Gershom exiled the Confederacy, and wars of that scale had been scarce in the near-millennium since. Still, Devon. Not yet, however. The days dragged out aboard the Ardent as they would in a prison, and he found himself spending more and more time in his cell. His mind always suffered under the persecuting monotony of life in space.

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Three Paragraphs:

He sighed and set his pen down. It was no use trying to recall what he'd learned in the Academy. Thoughts of Gershom's Revolution swam in his mind; war stories that had grown over seven centuries loomed in their wake. But those were other people's adventures, not his. He hoped someday to record such world-shaping events with his own pen, as men and women had in the early twenty-second century when the war broke out.

It was a foolish hope. Humanity had learned its lesson in the chaotic years after Gershom exiled the Confederacy, and wars of that scale had been scarce in the near-millennium since. Still, Devon knew there was a chance for adventure out here.

Not yet, however. The days dragged out aboard the Ardent as they would in a prison, and he found himself spending more and more time in his cell. His mind always suffered under the persecuting monotony of life in space.

Posted By: Bmat Mar 24, 2005 - 04:07 am

To me, the second version appeals more, and the paragraphs seem to be separate topics.

Posted By: Neurolanis Mar 24, 2005 - 07:57 am

Gee, Gnollslayer, this is tuff. I agree with Bmat that the second appears more welcoming, yet, broken up it just seems to feel less ... congruent. You did write it the first way first, right? It feels more natural in that form, to me.

Posted By: gnollslayer Mar 24, 2005 - 08:46 am

I actually wrote it as three paragraphs first, but a member of my writing workshop suggested I change it to one paragraph. I like it both ways, and I have noticed that I have very few large paragraphs, so grouping these together would ease up a burden on the eyes.

Posted By: Bmat Mar 24, 2005 - 09:46 am

There is a difference. The second makes the whole passage take on more emphasis.

I suppose that it is a matter of what you want to emphasize

Posted By: Magus Mar 24, 2005 - 05:37 pm

That's true, I never thought of it in that way before. Personally I tend to write more seperated paragraphs, composed of only a few sentences. But I also have longer ones composed of many as well.

Ultimately, though, it is your choice.

Posted By: Neurolanis Mar 24, 2005 - 05:59 pm

I like writing with larger paragraphs, but I must confess to preferring to read ones that are broken up.

Posted By: Magus Mar 24, 2005 - 06:04 pm

I just always think of it this way:

You start a new idea, you start a new paragraph.

Posted By: Neurolanis Mar 24, 2005 - 07:13 pm

Then if you had a lot of ideas ...

Or very few ..!

Posted By: aldan Mar 24, 2005 - 09:32 pm

If you have very few ideas, then you should write something shorter, because otherwise you'll just be rambling.
IMO, both types have their place. One thing that is usually a good idea is to try keeping to what Mag said, and also if there's a response to that thought that is more than a quip, you should create a new paragraph. Otherwise, paragraph length should be varied. Just as you should use short sentences to help convey action or tension, also short paragraphs will do that to a lesser extent.

Posted By: Magus Mar 25, 2005 - 05:27 am

Good call. I'll certainly keep the long paragraph, short paragraph concept in my mind when I write and experiment a little before I find a comfortable balance for myself.

Posted By: the_drik Mar 26, 2005 - 03:12 am

Difficult. I like the sound of the second more than the first. To me, it was easier to read. You may wish to vary the length depending on the effectiveness you wish to bring to that particular part of the story.

Complicated, but I like the sound of it sounds like a fun story.

Posted By: gnollslayer Mar 26, 2005 - 12:01 pm

Thanks, the_drik.

Posted By: Village Idiot Mar 29, 2005 - 11:21 am

personally, I would have combined the first two paragraphs of your second option, and kept the third as a seperate paragraph - because the second paragraph seems like a dangling afterthought to the first.

did that make any sense at all?

Posted By: gnollslayer Mar 29, 2005 - 02:01 pm

Yeah, that makes sense. I've tried that, too. It seems to work, but I'm not sure it works better than as three separate pargraphs, or as one big one. It's frustrating trying to figure this out.

Posted By: Sara Mar 29, 2005 - 06:16 pm

I like the second one better. I agree that the paragraph breaks allow greater emphasis. It reads very well either way -- it's very well written.

Posted By: Magus Apr 04, 2005 - 06:45 pm

I actually had a conversation with Kristiner, aka Princess of Fire, this past week on paragraphs. I find that mine tend to be longer then hers. I use less sentences, but each one is much longer. Simply put, it's just a matter of taste and style.

Posted By: gnollslayer Apr 04, 2005 - 07:47 pm

Wow, thanks for the compliment, Sara. I've left it with the first two paragraphs combined and the third one separate, as Village Idiot suggested.