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Posted By: Neurolanis Feb 15, 2005 - 08:03 am

Ok, so the first chapter in a book is the most important, right? Well, my first chapter involves an Ogre -- a large, hairy monster who pops up out of nowhere. Obviously, it is a fantasy. Part one is written with a sense of humor, but I just don't find this Ogre believable. It did not feel right writing it, and does not feel write reading it. You see, the Ogre is the only action or exiting bit that happens in the first chapter, and so I really can't take it out! Ok, here is how it unfolds:

An old stranger rides with a young man in search of some one. This is told through the young fella's perspective, and his attempts to better understand the old stranger and his mission. As they go, they come across a field of uprooted trees. When they finally meet up with she whom they have sought out, they suddenly are approached by an Ogre -- who ripped a bunch of trees out of the ground in order to build a shelter for his master. The young man takes off. The old man -- a wizard, of course -- battles the furry giant and the beast runs off. (This is where the chapter ends.)

Besides some mention of witchcraft, the story is written realistically. All of a sudden, a giant Ogre appears. Like I said, it just doesn't work, yet it is the only exiting thing that happens in the first chapter. Grrr.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Posted By: Magus Feb 15, 2005 - 12:01 pm

Try having them come upon him while he's constucting the house. Also have them here the noises of his working (grunting, breathing, crashing, etc...)

Posted By: Aldan Feb 15, 2005 - 10:17 pm

By the bye... I believe you meant 'exciting' rather than 'exiting'.

Posted By: cleasterwood Feb 16, 2005 - 01:55 am

The idea Magus presents is interesting and definitely would fix the 'just appeared' problem.

Posted By: Neurolanis Feb 16, 2005 - 06:46 am

Thanks for your responses.

Yes, I did mean exciting.

That's great, Magus! I think I can work it out now!

Posted By: Magus Feb 16, 2005 - 12:53 pm

***Sings***

Bum, Bum, Bum

Another one bites the dust!

Posted By: Neurolanis Feb 16, 2005 - 05:56 pm

"Another one bites the dust"??

Posted By: Magus Feb 16, 2005 - 06:43 pm

...ummmm... wrong site...

Posted By: Aldan Feb 16, 2005 - 11:25 pm

*Sings Weird Al's version of the song*
Another one rides the bus... and another gets on and another gets on, another one rides the bus! Hey, he's gonna sit by you, another one rides the bus!...

Posted By: Magus Feb 17, 2005 - 12:05 pm

...But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys

Who can kiss upside down in the rain

Posted By: aldan Feb 17, 2005 - 08:14 pm

It depends on who she is, because for the right girl, I can be quite clever...

Posted By: Magus Feb 18, 2005 - 01:16 pm

...Think along Spiderman terms... and parody o' "Piano Man" terms as well.

Posted By: Magus Feb 18, 2005 - 08:13 pm

Well... anyway... back onto the topic at hand...