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Scifi and Fantasy Forum: Writer's Discussion: Problems with Writing:
I just cut my first chapter....oh boy....
I just cut my first chapter....oh boy....
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Posted By:  SirJill Nov 04, 2003 - 08:49 am |       | I have been editing like crazy (or at least the last coupla days) and I have taken out my whole first chapter. I spent maybe a day antagonizing over it and then finally got rid of it because the characters in it didn't fit with the plot.
So. Now, I've got the beginning of chapter two and two ideas of how to start it, both with major flaws. HELP!!!
Chapter two starts out with a boy emptying the garbage and getting kidnapped by my protagonist's sister, Radella. I can't keep it this way, because I want Benik (protagonist) not Radella to be the 1st character introduced. My two ideas of how I should start it are:
1.Benik and one of his fledglings leave for a club (which is where with the 1st chap cut, they would first appear...if that makes any sense.)
2. Benik, on his own, looking for a victim.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!!
Jill
(oh and feel free to email me at: rionakayser@att.net, thanks!)
Why can't you begin it that way? Where's the law that says the first character you introduce has to be your main character? If you are writing it with Radella's internal dialogue apparent to the reader, then just her thinking about him could be an effective introduction.
However, if it just won't work without introducing him first, how about a short prologue rather than a whole chapter? What originally happened in the first chapter that needs to come out before that kidnapping?
SirJill, the reader acknowledges the leading character. We can't point the finger to the one we choose. If we flesh the character properly, the reader will acknowledge.
If Radella comes into the PLOT first, and that bothers you, perhaps you need to explain a little bit more about what you want of the whole story.
If you want the protagonist to appear first, you have not made clear why that should be, against all history in literature.
Neither have you made clear why you have been editing the first chapter.
There is a gap , I am afraid, between what you present as a problem and what you seek as a solution.
I suppose you know that a major and common weakness of writing a story is that the writer does it only to project and build a particular image. (Building a hero's or an anit-hero's image). In such stories, an extraordinary character does everything critical in the story. The writer ought to control the story as to the aim and the scope as they manifest through the means, one of which is the chapters.
On a side note, after hemmingway finished one of his novels - I'm pretty sure it was "The Sun Also Rises" - he sent it to a friend to look over for him. (It was another famous writer, can't remember which one offhand - might have been Fitzgerald? Ah, well, this would be a better story if my memory didn't bite).
So anyway, the other writer sent it back with entire first chapter cut out and a note saying "this is where your story starts" - and that's how the novel ended up, without that original first chapter. So there ya go
| Posted By: SirJill Nov 09, 2003 - 10:04 am | | Whoopee! People replied!
Ok, the reason I cut the first chapter in the first place is that it delt with two or three characters that I started out with when I first came up with the story line. The plot changed so that they were no longer important, and were just distracting from the story. Clutter, basically. So I cut it, and the story starts out from Radella's PoV. Also, the beginning doesn't...grab you. Basically it's just a kid dragging a garbage can up the to curb with Radella watching him. Thrilling huh?
Also, I don't know how I'd introduce Benik at the club scene. Oh, yes, at the end of the first scene there are two character that, with the first chapter would make sense, but without it are just sort of mysterious and confusing. I do not want to confuse the reader so early in the book. I need to keep in mind as well that I'm introducing characters a bit too fast. The first scene has five and the second has three new ones. Ack!
Jill
| Posted By: Aldan Nov 13, 2003 - 10:02 am | | "Whoopie"? Did you sit on a cushion??
A cushion? I don't get it.
Anyway, I have never read a novel that began with dragging garbge. That alone catches me (for at least a few seconds.) I don't think that it is the reader that would be confused, more or less you in writing it so self-consciously. I feel anything that you decide will be fine. Just kind of let the story write itself, if you catch my drift; See your story as an image--not just visually, but as an overall image including character, emotional structures, plot, etc.--and you should instinctfully catch the sent for how it must begin. 
You've never heard of a whoopie cushion? That almost doesn't seem possible! They sell them the same places they sell hand buzzers and cigarette loads.
Lol, yaeh yeah yeah. All you said was "cushion." How was I suppose to know? lol
| Posted By: Aldan Nov 18, 2003 - 09:53 am | | I SAID "'WHOOPIE??' DID YOU SIT ON A CUSHION?".
*Aldan grins a gap-toothed grin*
| Posted By: SirJill Nov 18, 2003 - 02:22 pm | | Ack!!!! YOU TWO GET OUTTA MY THREAD!!!!!
(stupid offtopic-ers!!!)
Actually, all sorta seems to have been fixed. I had a splat where I wasn't online at all--I was too busy writing. I picked up things that I started,oh, last summer and never went beyond the first chapter. Suddenly I knew what to do with everything!! In other words I got a visit from my muse.
Soooo...Duel has been fixed (pretty much). Way it turns out: I've cut the beginning description, which wasn't very good anyway.
So how does this catch you?
She wrapped her fingers around his mouth, "Now don't scream. There's a good boy."
That would be the point that I figure will work.
Thank you everyone!!!
Jill
Hey! I've been kicked out of better threads than this....
| Posted By: iamume Nov 20, 2003 - 11:14 am | | All topics could use a little digression .
somehow they all connect.
There is a song which goes "Imagine dancing with platform swimfins with whoopie cushions under your heels."
| Posted By: Aldan Nov 24, 2003 - 10:10 pm | | It truly is amazing just how well seemingly off-topic meanderings can connect. Just because you don't understand why doesn't mean that others don't. (Boy, I sure have said that a LOT in regards to poetry, too, now that I think about it)
Actually, I've had to say that a lot in regard to a lot of things I talk about in general. Hmmm....
| Posted By: iamume Nov 25, 2003 - 04:36 pm | | Sometimes an odd or flippant tangent may be just what is needed for the thread to progress or inspire the questioner in an unexpected direction,seemingly unrelated to the tangent.
Has this shaken anything loose?
| Posted By: SirJill Dec 04, 2003 - 07:25 am | | Ok...Ok!! I give up!!!
*slinks off*
I have a large portion of Duel done. I REALLY REALLY REALLY need someone to look at it, because I'm looking at it right now and can't figure out whats wrong with it!!! AHHHHH!!
Could someone pleeeeeeeeeeeease help me?
Jill
| Posted By: Athalia Dec 04, 2003 - 07:34 am | | well, where is it???
| Posted By: Nomad Dec 05, 2003 - 07:47 am | | Be happy to peruse it.
| Posted By: Ariette Dec 15, 2003 - 04:39 pm | | likewise. I haven't been on since august, basically, but I would love something to read!
| Posted By: iamume Dec 17, 2003 - 05:14 pm | | I'm interested.
| Posted By: jillstar Dec 19, 2003 - 06:51 pm | | Hi Jill... I would love to see your chapter if you still need someone.
Thanks... js (jill)
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