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Scifi and Fantasy Forum: Writer's Discussion: Problems with Writing:
I HATE the first sentence
I HATE the first sentence
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Oh, good heavens.
Look, dude, what you're doing comes dangerously close to trolling, IMHO. Since you mightn't know the term, I'll define it for you, from starwars.com's definition (since I like it): 'Trolling is defined as posting remarks intended to anger another poster and or start an argument or flame war.'
As in, posting nothing with deliberate content, merely going, 'Oh my God, I'm so offended! (Insert Flaming Rant Here)!'
Granted, I am not the moderator (nor would I want to be; it's a thankless job with people like me roaming the virtual halls), but that's how it comes off to me, a mere poster just like everyone else. I get the feeling I'm likely not alone in that.
Besides, you're not 'rolling over and taking crap' from Daelish. As far as I could tell, Daelish's comment was, as RongFo said, sharply worded, but nonetheless valid criticism. Your best shot on that would've just been to go, 'Thank you, but I disagree' and leave it at that.
Honestly, the flaming attack of FIRE! is getting old, dude.
(This is my first and final post on the matter. La.)
(Edit: This post has been edited so that you personally - yes, you - can read the dialogue statement that I stupidly put in brackets instead of parentheses to start with.)
well fine forget it.
anyway if you can't find a way to start a novel or story with a sentence it would probably best to try some dialogue.
"how many are there?"
"too many to count. way to many to fight. keep walking."
so, hmmmm, thats a okay hook.makes people want to know they're being chased and kinda draws them in more.
are they outlaws? are they rebels fighting an oppressive king? you want to know.
anyways, yeah rong, that was disrespect. maybe he wasn't flaming me and didn't deserve three posts just angers me that i was talking about 'brain storming' and its quite clear he thought i meant that was my first sentence.
and if he wanted to state opinion i would have accepted 'not a good beginning line' because its not. it sucks. but that was my point. the beginning line usually sucks. there few that are great, but mostly, eh.
right now i'm reading HALO and it begins talking about 'Tech officer 3rd class gonsales (not the name used.) swearing. didn't get my attention. didn't care about gonsales when he got splattered. but hey, the book still sold fairly high and is very good.
alright, i found a great opening line!
Elmore Leonard's GLITZ.
'the night vincent got shot he saw it coming'
simple, easy, connects to the story and i devoured the rest of the chapter.
i especially liked the part where he said 'see that car? regular looking car, no nice rims and its brown. you know why it looks like that? because its a police car jerk! now drop the gun and put your hands on the hood'
Here are some nice tips if you're still struggling with the the first sentence(I don't know who has originally written these, so don't thank me, I'm just copy/pasting them here)
WRITING: STARTING YOUR NARRATIVE
In the beginning part of your narrative, you should get the reader’s attention. Here are four different ways to begin your personal story.
1. Start in the middle of the action.
Suddenly, I heard a crash downstairs and the sound of breaking glass. “Hey, who’s down there?” I yelled.
2. Have the characters talk.
My brother’s lips were so swollen, it sounded like he said, “Mine guess who fur hiss!”
“What?” I said.
He glared at me and said louder, “I’ll get you for this!”
3. Begin with a surprising statement or fact.
When I was nine, I started my dad’s car and drove onto the street. I thought I was going to New Jersey.
4. Give some important background information.
Mr. Brown was in the marines before he became a teacher and a coach. He doesn’t allow any fooling around in his classroom or in the gym. I learned that the hard way during basketball tryouts.
Posted By:  Daelish Jun 20, 2003 - 05:48 am |       | Well crap in a hand basket. If I had known you'd take what I said so seriously I would have phrased it differently. Ok, probably not. But hey, take some solace in the fact that I would have said it to anyone else here too, I don't pick on you personnally jcbn. I'm just not the coddling type I guess. Hell, if FC took stuff to heart like you did she'd probably have flown here and kicked me in my jingles by now (teehee). My advice is to learn to live with criticism, because it's never going to go away.
Anyway, my statement was honest, I wouldn't read past that if I saw it and I had no reason to lie about it. But, on the other hand, if you only use the sentence to get your "creative juices" flowing, then by all means stick with it.
Quote:Hell, if FC took stuff to heart like you did she'd probably have flown here and kicked me in my jingles by now (teehee).
*clickclickclick - Pri... ce... line... .com*
*moves the mouse to 'preselected flights'*
*murmurs to herself* Leaving Boston, Massachusetts, for Missouri: June 21st, 2003. Check.
*clicks back to SV* You were saying, Daelish? 
| Posted By: Daelish Jun 20, 2003 - 03:32 pm | | DOH! Um, err..hmm.
*clickclick - co... dpiec..es .com*
*clicks to "insustrial strength, foam insulated"*
*add to basket - CLICK*
Hmm? what?
| Posted By: SirJill Jun 20, 2003 - 06:46 pm | | How did that get into this discussion??? Oh...well...I think I'll stay out of it....
There is only one way to start a book. With a word. Or...if you don't like that, please, by all means, inform me of the way YOU start your books.
(Just to pacify everyone, that was not intended to be mean or snooty, you must read it with a slight grin in your voice)
But seriously, most of the time I start my books with either dialogue or a good hooking sentence. One of the one's I just started has a neat opening paragraph in first person that gives you the basic events of the plot...that is Miranda betrays the King and Queen and then kills Grethen after he gives her magic.
Now, the only thing that I DON'T say is that Grethen and Miranda are vampires. Although by the time the third character arrives it's pretty evidant.
I think the pre flame war suggestions were good. I'm not the kind of person who pushes the 'if the first sentence is crap then the rest of the book is crap' theology. (not saying that anyone here is of that philosophy)
Key thing: REMEMBER YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACK AND EDIT!!
What do you think the 'delete' key is there for?
| Posted By: RongFo Jun 21, 2003 - 12:40 am | | Oh SirJill, you poor ignorant savage. How can you write a word without a letter? Hmm? Oh, right, that was a rhetorical question. I'll tell you how: with a letter.
So what is the best letter with which to begin a story, you ask? Obviously, the answer is "A," that's right, "A." There is no argument. If you begin your story with a different letter than "A," it is because you are stoopit.
Well, I think it is best to start with a statement that piques curiosity or just plain old startles the reader enough for them to need to know what it is about.
Terry Goodkind started his book Wizard's First Rule with something like "It was a strange looking vine."
When I picked it up to read it, it grabbed my curiosity because I wanted to know what was strange about it and what was so important about it anyway.
Curiosity killed the cat. It is best to make a reader curious before anything else.
| Posted By: Fritzsco Jun 22, 2003 - 01:22 am | | hmm. i've always wondered about the first few pages of the wizards first rule. It differs so much from the style used in the rest of the book/s. (i think)
[...How can you write a word without a letter?...I'll tell you how: with a letter.]-Rongfo
aaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.
| Posted By: Daelish Jun 22, 2003 - 08:15 pm | | I've noticed that Goodkind changes his style of writing as well. It's almost as if his writing style grows and changes right along with Richard.
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