We have moved to new forum software and posting here is closed!

PLEASE BOOKMARK THE NEW FORUMS

Posted By: Malkamus Dec 27, 2004 - 01:53 pm

Ok this is the prologue, I have also started the first section with the working title of. The Births. Please let me know your feelings on this.
Thanx John


The beginning



The sky began to darken over, darker than any a pitch black night. But there was not a cloud anywhere in the sky. It was as if light itself was being blocked out. The wind began to blow harder, the large trees began swaying back and forth. In the distance some of the trees could be heard snapping in half and crashing to the ground under the strength of the wind. Lightning bolts raced across the sky and stormed down in a constant rain of strikes. Thunder boomed and echoed like the sky itself was crying out, becoming so loud and constant it drowned out everything else.

Meanwhile, the battle raging at the ancient Troll temple was not going well for the armies of the lands. The minions of evil raged with unbelievable force. Aided by the fact that the ghods of death and mayhem had overstepped their boundaries and joined in the battle. The army they had amassed was unstoppable. They sat in their throne room inside awaiting the end of the battle so they could release their evil upon the entire world. Outside and watching from far away, high above everything going on, three shadowed figures stood, hidden completely under the hooded cloaks they were wearing. One spoke. “We cannot allow this to continue.” A second responded.
“We cannot interfere. No matter the outcome, we are not permitted by directly joining in a battle. Those of the land must defeat evil alone or lose to it. That is how it has always been.” The first one answered back. “Yes but the others also followed the rule and never joined in with their minions. This is different.” The second one spoke again from under his robe. “It matters not, we are bound by the order of things. We cannot influence the outcome of the battle.” The third one standing there staring down at the battle and listening to his two companions finally responded. “No, we cannot sway the war our way, no matter the fact that the others did. We are ghods, and accountable for our actions. It is up to the people 0f the lands to win or lose this war. But, we also cannot allow an unequal battle to decide the final outcome either. The others have chosen to join their warriors on the surface and in doing so have shown that they are truly evil. We shall leave the people decide the outcome of the war for good, but we too shall even the odds.

On the ground below, the remaining warriors of the land had retreated back to their final defensive stand against the tree line of the clearing surrounding the temple. The massive army of evil was amassing their final assault upon them. Orcs, ogres, and trolls raced down towards them, thousands of them continued at the tiny remnant of the army of the land. Preparing for their end the tiny group got ready to race into their final fight and their certain deaths.

When suddenly a bolt of lightning from the ongoing lightning storm struck directly between the two groups. Then before the flash disappeared, another struck, and just as quickly a third. When the flashes subsided, three hooded figures stood between the armies. Both groups halted their attack and stood there amazed. The first one to appear took a step forward and removed the hood of his cloak and stared at the army of evil. The other two taking the lead of the first removed their hoods also. As the hoods were removed and the faces of the three were revealed, there stood a man and two women. One of the orcs started to laugh and the rest of the army followed. The strange man spoke up. The rules that were set forth have been broken by the others, and this unbalanced battle is the result. We will not stand by any longer. The people were to decide on their own, but you two seem to think that those rules do not apply to you. The people shall decide for themselves but we shall even the score.”

The two inside watching the battle walked out of the temple and started to laugh. They had altered their appearance since they left above and descended to the world. One of them took the look of a reptile, his skin was scale and a sickly green color, his eyes were yellow and small. His ears had all but disappeared, leaving little more than two holes on the sides of his head. A pointed tongue slipped in and out between his lips. The second took a more hideous look, her skin took a red complexion with bits of it peeling away. Her eyes were red as if the vessels in them had burst. Her hands had become claws. As the two stood there the reptile spoke. “What are the three of you going to do? You will follow the rules for all eternity. We could not wait for the end, so we broke from the rule. Since you will never break the rule we shall finish this now and destroy this world now.” The other one then screamed out for the army of theirs to attack. The army let out a roar and began to rush forward again. The second stranger then stepped forward and with a shout of no she raised her hand and stopped the attackers from moving any further.

She then spoke. “We will not break the rule and we shall not sway the war. But as we said we shall even the score. This will not be the end that you two have planned. ”With that, the three pulled off their robes and finally showed themselves. There stood three of the most magnificent warriors ever seen. They were dressed in brilliant plate male breastplates that shone with a bright white light. Each finely etched with scenes of times past. Their weapons still sheathed, they stood their ground between the two armies.

The remaining warriors of the land all jumped back and gasped. From out of the group came a voice. “They are here our ghods have come.” The third stranger looked back. “Yes mighty warriors we have, this is not a battle that shall be lost. It is in our hands now, this is ours to finish. Your battle is yet to come.” She then turned back and joined the two others she came with. The first one spoke again. “This battle ends now.” With that, the three raised their hands and the army of darkness flashed and were gone in an instant. They then turned their attention on the two. The third one spoke. “You want to break the rule simply because it suits you? Well, as we said we will even the score. Your army has been sealed down in the depths below the temple where you also will be. But since the two of you seem to think alike, maybe you should be alike.” She then raised her hand again, the two began to shake. As they shook they began to scream, then they were slammed together and merged into one. A most hideous combination. It now had the appearance of a reptile but its scales were now a horrific reddish green color and peeling. Its eyes were yellow and the pupil’s bright red. It’s pointy tongue slipping through cracked dry lips. As it opened its mouth, its teeth were exposed showing terribly sharp pointed fangs. “Now you will forever be the One.” Spoke the third.

The first spoke up again. “As we have said, we shall even the score. You chose to turn the war with the two of you. So we shall even by double. You shall be banished with your minions within the depths below and sealed within. You will with no doubt finally find a way out, but that will be where the evening out of ours will begin. For when you begin to escape and start to send out your evil slowly, there shall be four heroes born upon this world. One of the trees, one of the people, one of the energy. And one from the ghods. Each of which will find each other when the final time comes. They shall be born from the ancestors of the heroes here today. Their bloodline shall be the deciding factor in the outcome.” With that the three once more raised their hands and with a blinding flash the two former ghods were banished within. They then walked to the temple and sealed it. The second turned around and spoke. “We are truly sorry we did not come sooner. But this is your battle, we cannot change the outcome. The One shall escape in time, but you shall know the birth of the four will even the score and perhaps be the deciding factor. But for now return to your homes and rest brave warriors the time will come for battle soon enough.” With that, the three disappeared as quickly as they appeared.

Posted By: chowder Jan 05, 2005 - 05:26 pm

Malkamus

I really liked this one and see a wonderful story developing from this prologue. There's just a couple of things I believe you should think about:

Get rid of the 'begans'. Banish them along with The One to the depths beneath the temple. For example, your first paragraph would make a far greater impact if written along these lines:

The sky darkened, darker than any a pitch black night. But there was not a cloud anywhere in the sky. It was as if light itself was being blocked out. The wind blew harder, the large trees swayed (delete 'back and forth'). In the distance (delete 'some of') the trees (delete 'could be heard) snapped (delete 'in half'--I feel the POV can only assume the trees are being snapped in half) and crashed to the ground under the strength of the wind. Lightning bolts raced across the sky and stormed down in a constant rain of strikes. Thunder boomed and echoed as though the sky itself cried out, becoming so loud and constant it drowned out everything else.

The dialogue tags of the robed ghods is a bit cumbersome. Is it possible to give them different coloured robes or names?

It would also make for an easier read if you gave each line of dialogue it's own paragraph/line.

Good luck with this!