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Chage: Prologue

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Posted By: View Profile/ContactalphaDRESLEomega Nov 12, 2004 - 06:37 am Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page/Submit ReplyRight click to create a link to this message  Search for posts by this user

Floating... Running through a forest...
Why can't I feel?
Thick fog... Turning red.
So thirsty...
Chest... Sharp pain... Changing...
What's wrong with me?
So cold. So tired.. Need warmth...
Why does it hurt? WHY!?

When darkness fades, the light will come again.
When again light leaves, my world fills with sin.

-The dark circlet- 10:2:11



"What am I here for Lucien? I would much enjoy hunting this night."

"An accident Faolis. There has been a breach in Sector D." The experiment sector... Please not Block 4; not the live specimens... "One experiment is gone. We cannot say how at this time."

"Lucien, is it alive? Is the experiment from Block 4?"

"Yes. It was Class C, experiment 12734." If Lucien could sweat, he would be drenched now.

Project Change... One month from completion. "I ordered you to upgrade Change to class D yesterday." Voice now dripping acid, "Why was it not done?"

Lucien began rapidly swallowing and darting his eyes. "Sir, I passed along the orders. Standard procedure. It was supposed to be done. The charts all read Class D, but the lock says C."

"Time grows short for you Lucien. You have one week to correct your mistake. If you fail... You'll be the first for Chimera."

Greatly paler than normal, Lucien swallowed as Faolis stalked off. Get it right, or we'll use you to do it ourselves. With that thought, Faolis disappeared into the darkness, off to find his next kill.

 

Posted By: View Profile/ContactBmat Nov 15, 2004 - 07:40 pm Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page/Submit ReplyRight click to create a link to this message  Search for posts by this user

What am I here for Lucien? I would much enjoy hunting this night- Should it be What am I here for, Lucien? Without the comma it reads that the speaker is for Lucien. I would much enjoy- does the speaker mean much prefer, or if odd wording is desired, how about much more enjoy?

Other that that I like the prologue, and it does invite the reader to continue with the story.

 

Posted By: View Profile/ContactOmnivexed Nov 16, 2004 - 04:30 am Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page/Submit ReplyRight click to create a link to this message  Search for posts by this user

I agree with Bmat on that bit, but really liked it. Though I'm not entirely sure what's going on I want to find out, excellent job love to read more.

 

Posted By: View Profile/ContactalphaDRESLEomega Nov 22, 2004 - 09:17 am Top of pagePrevious messageNext messageBottom of page/Submit ReplyRight click to create a link to this message  Search for posts by this user

Thanks for pointing out the comma, I must have mistyped it. The wording is meant to be odd, more for an added sense of formality than anything else.

I will be posting this story in chapters as soon as those chapters are finished. They will be posted about one or two per month. Everything depends on how busy my schedule is.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'd love to hear more from all of you. Oh, and it's meant that half of the situation is left obscure.

 

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